using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
