Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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