They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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