i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
