I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize