i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
