The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
