You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
