I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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