I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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