well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Randomize
