at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
