he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
