We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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