Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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