omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
