woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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