What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
