Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
