In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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