i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
