end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
