never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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