i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Buhtt sex?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
