so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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