she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
