I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want nice things and good sex
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize