Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize