You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
