i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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