I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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