he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
