Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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