Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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