Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
