We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My bed smells like the plague
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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