Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
