I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
