The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
