did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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