Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
