Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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