I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
