My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
