So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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