I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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