Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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