Just cropdusted the office
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
