there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
