I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
