Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
