why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
