so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
