I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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