3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
