I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
