that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize