I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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