How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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