I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
