thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
