Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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