Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize