I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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