if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
