Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize