She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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