dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
