I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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