hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
