i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
