his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize