I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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