I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
