i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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