I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
