Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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