you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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