Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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