you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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