I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
