i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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