He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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