rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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