The maid of honor just puked.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
