She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize