Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
