The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
NoShamevember. You game?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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