I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm having to shit out rocks
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
