Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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