even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
