so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize