he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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