I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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