Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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