even my farts smell like vagina
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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