Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
