i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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