he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
